The Deep
by TitansRule
Summary: After he collars two aspiring terrorists, Jess reminds Don that he doesn't have to deal with his ghosts alone. Story #25 in my 'Kindred Spirits' series.


**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY.  
****Series: 'Kindred Spirits'.  
****Spoilers: **_**The Deep **_**(4x01); **_**Snow Day **_**(3x24); **_**Charge of this Post **_**(2x24). Dialogue in bold was taken straight from 4x02.**

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The Deep

It was a strange sight that met anyone who walked into the precinct; no one was doing anything and no one was stopping them.

The detectives were all sat round one radio, listening to the feed with their hearts in their mouths.

Had it really been only half an hour ago that Flack and Danny marched a young Albanian into interrogation, faces set, and told them that he had planted a bomb somewhere in the East River?

Jess was especially worried, but not just because of the bomb. She'd only seen her partner for a second and, to an outsider, Don seemed his usual self, ordering a level one mobilisation on the helipad near the East River, but she knew him better; she alone had noticed his hands shaking slightly on his radio, as well as the minute tremor in his voice.

SWAT had joined them, but the rest of the homicide squad were confined to listening to the drama unfolding over the police radio.

The captain's only complaint had been that no one could expect to understand what was going on while all the radios had been on, so everyone but Jess had switched theirs off and they were all gathered around her desk, except for Cooper, who was watching the path of the helipad on the TV screen in the corner.

"_**Basim Lumani!**__" _Mac's voice shouted. _"__**You're under arrest; let me see your right hand.**__"_

"Chopper's on its way!" Cooper called.

"_**Let me see your hand!**__"_

"It's coming down to land!" Cooper added.

Jess was sure they could all hear her heart thudding, as loud as it was in her chest.

"It's landed!"

"_**Mac!**__" _Don's voice suddenly came over the frequency. _"__**The bomb squad found the bomb and jammed the signal. Repeat: They've found the bomb, frequency jammed, bomb disarmed.**__"_

Jess breathed a sigh of relief and sat back. "Thank God."

"I just aged ten years." Maka stated, completely seriously.

"Crisis averted." The captain concluded. "Now get back to work."

Jess didn't need to be told twice, even though her shift had finished twenty minutes earlier. She moved over to Don's desk and started filling out his paperwork; no one paid her any attention, used to it by now.

Obviously, there were some things she had to leave blank, but even if she could make it a little easier …

"Detective Flack?"

Jess glanced up automatically, looking for her partner, only to realise he was the person who'd spoken, grinning. Catching on, she rolled her eyes. "I figured I'd knock some of this paperwork out for you?"

"Explains why you're at my desk." Don smirked. "Doesn't explain why you looked up."

"I was looking for you." Jess said, rolling her eyes again. "You alright?"

"Fine." Don frowned. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Jess stood up and returned to her desk, retrieving her piece from the top drawer and slipping into its holster. "Anything there that can't wait?"

"No." Don answered. "Why?"

"Then I'm driving you home." Jess stated simply. "C'mon."

Don looked at her for a few minutes, then apparently decided that the argument wasn't worth it, following her out to her car.

It was a silent ride and it wasn't until she parked again that he said, "This is your apartment, not mine."

"Didn't say whose home." Jess smiled at him. "I need to talk to you about something. I have cold pizza."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Don asked with a grin that didn't reach his eyes, but she knew that wasn't due to reluctance.

But still she didn't address the elephant in the room until they were in her apartment and she didn't bother turning the lights on or pulling the curtains, letting the evening sun stream in through the window.

"First," Jess said calmly, "we need to talk." She pointed to the couch and he sat down, eyes following her as she perched on the edge of her coffee table.

"Did I do something?" Don guessed. "Pissed you off in some way?"

Jess laughed. "No. I'd be yelling. Okay." She leaned forwards, her elbows resting on her thighs. "I'm not sure how to word this, so I'm just going to say it. When you came over to tell me how the hostage situation turned out, you said: The only people who realised were Mac, Stella and Hawkes and that's only because they were still inside. Everyone else was oblivious until we turned up. The gang there are all dead; Mac blew the lab up and then took off with Peyton for London."

"Yeah." Don frowned. "Okay, we've established your ability to listen to me."

Jess rolled her eyes. "I was focusing on a drug gang taking two CSIs hostage and taking over the crime lab. It only hit me today the rest of what you said. Mac blew the lab up."

Don stiffened. "Jess …"

"I mean, I'd seen the damage." Jess continued. "But I thought there'd been some sort of fire; it never occurred to me that there'd been an actual bomb."

"I'm fine." Don assured her.

Jess sighed. "Don … I saw you in the hospital … I've seen the aftershocks of nightmares … I've sat with you for an hour while you work out that we're in the locker room and _not_ in a building that's about to blow up. Of all the people you think you need to lie to, I'd like to think I'm not one of them. I …"

"Don't say you know what I'm going through." Don groaned. "That's all anyone seems to be able to say and they don't, alright? No one can possibly understand what it's like."

Jess didn't try to stop him from standing and pacing over to the window. She took a deep breath to calm herself; knowing his reaction wasn't personal – that he was using anger and frustration to avoid the real issue – didn't stop her irritation from rising. "What I was going to say," she said calmly, "was that I'm here for you."

Now, she followed him, turning her back to the window and leaning against the glass so she could see his face. "You don't have to talk about it." She added. "But if you want to, I'll listen."

Don shook his head slowly. "I can't, Jess. I don't doubt that you'd listen and I don't doubt that you'd try to understand, but I can't talk about it."

"That was why you were so tense a few weeks back." Jess commented. "It was a year since …"

"I apologised for that." Don reminded her tersely, turning away from her again.

Still, Jess didn't rise to it. "I know you did. You didn't need to." She sighed. "Don, you're my partner. More importantly, you're the best friend I've ever had. I just wish there was something I could do to help here; you don't have to pretend nothing's wrong. Not with me. Never with me."

There was a pause, in which neither of them moved, then Don's shoulders slumped. "I don't know how, Jess. I don't know how you can help me. This isn't supposed to happen to me; I bounce back, I always do. The bomb … I was helpless … completely helpless and … I was scared, alright? Absolutely fuckin' terrified."

He finally turned to look at her and her heart broke, seeing the same fear and pain in his eyes as she'd seen that day in the locker room, but this time they were accompanied by tears he didn't hold back, and she wondered how long he'd been hiding them.

Jess didn't hesitate to move; guiding him back to the couch, she managed to get them both sitting down in a way that allowed her to hug him comfortingly, his face buried in the crook of her neck, which was no mean feat, given that he was at least a head taller than her.

"I thought I was gonna die." He murmured into her skin, sending chills through her, and not just the good kind.

She pulled away slightly, enough to place a hand on his wet cheek, forcing him to meet her eyes. "You're alright though. You're okay. You survived and you've come out the other side a hell of a lot stronger for it."

"Yeah." Don smiled weakly, not fighting her when she gently brushed his tears away. "Sorry about this."

"You're human. I'm your partner." Jess smiled. "If you can't break down in front of me, who else is there?"

"True." Don's stomach growled loudly. "How about that pizza?"

Jess laughed, standing up. "I see your appetite hasn't been affected."

"Never." Don insisted, following her into the kitchenette. "Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?" Jess prompted, digging through her fridge.

Don's voice was quiet, but not hesitant in any way. "Promise me that, even if there comes a time when we're not partners, you'll still be here."

Pausing in her search, Jess turned to face him, kissing his cheek lightly. "I promise, Don. I've got your back. Whatever happens."

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AN: Okay, I'm going away for a week – no internet, my family, a boat and bad weather; should be fun – so I shall see you then. Review please!**


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